Little Bug

Little Bug aka Paul

My best friend had her first little one last week, and I was on hand for most of the event. I honestly don't have words to share all the thoughts that the experience itself gave birth to. It's rather ironic that it left my mind so pregnant. Children are indeed a blessing and a miracle, more than I ever knew before and more than I can articulate now. All I know is that his little existence caused my heart to swell to a larger size than I'd known it could, immediately full with love for him. He's not even mine. I can't imagine what it might be like if he were. God is gracious to let us partake in this wonder, to let us be part of the creation and sustaining of life. All of this has left my mind so turgid and running over. There is much I do not understand. Much I never will. I am okay with that. I am content to wonder. For more clearly than ever before, I think, I understand that He upholds all things and by His hand does everything come to pass.

Psalm 139

Search Me, O God, and Know My Heart

To the choirmaster. A Psalm of David.

 ¹O LORD, you have^(A) searched me and known me! ²You^(B) know when I sit down and when I rise up;
   you^(C) discern my thoughts from afar.
³You search out my path and my lying down
   and are acquainted with all my ways.
⁴Even before a word is on my tongue,
   behold, O LORD,^(D) you know it altogether.
⁵You^(E) hem me in, behind and before,
   and^(F) lay your hand upon me.
^6(G) Such knowledge is^(H) too wonderful for me;
   it is high; I cannot attain it. ^7(I) Where shall I go from your Spirit?
   Or where^(J) shall I flee from your presence?
^8(K) If I ascend to heaven, you are there!
   ^(L) If I make my bed in Sheol, you are there!
⁹If I take the wings of the morning
   and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea,
¹⁰even there your hand shall^(M) lead me,
   and your right hand shall hold me.
¹¹If I say,^(N) "Surely the darkness shall cover me,
   and the light about me be night,"
^12(O) even the darkness is not dark to you;
   the night is bright as the day,
   for darkness is as light with you.
 ¹³For you^(P) formed my inward parts;
   you^(Q) knitted me together in my mother’s womb.
¹⁴I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.^[a](R) Wonderful are your works;
   my soul knows it very well.
^15(S) My frame was not hidden from you,when I was being made in secret,
   intricately woven in^(T) the depths of the earth.
¹⁶Your eyes saw my unformed substance;in your^(U) book were written, every one of them,
   the days that were formed for me,
   when as yet there was none of them.
 ¹⁷How precious to me are your^(V) thoughts, O God!
   How vast is the sum of them!
^18(W) If I would count them, they are more than^(X) the sand.
   I awake, and I am still with you.
 ¹⁹Oh that you would^(Y) slay the wicked, O God!
   O^(Z) men of blood,^(AA) depart from me!
²⁰They^(AB) speak against you with malicious intent;
   your enemies^(AC) take your name in vain!^[b]
21(AD) Do I not hate those who hate you, O LORD?
   And do I not^(AE) loathe those who^(AF) rise up against you?
²²I hate them with complete hatred;
   I count them my enemies.

 ²³Search me, O God, and know my heart!
   ^(AG) Try me and know my thoughts!^[c]
24And see if there be any grievous way in me,
   and^(AH) lead me in^(AI) the way everlasting!^[d]
 

Gratitude

I don't think I can even put into complete sentences all of what I'm thinking right now. Instead, I'll just give you a list of things I'm thankful for, which seems appropriate enough though perhaps a few days late. I had a few more days of wonderful things to get in over the long weekend though, so today's the earliest I could give you anything like a complete list.

My brothers. My parents. Everyone together on Thanksgiving. Good food, American and Trini. Football. Days off work. Planes. Cars. Cameras. Wine. 3rd row Caps tickets. Ovechkin's GWG in the SO. The Empty Mall.  Skipping. Freedom. Brave men and women. The Founders. Light. Water fountains to drink or to watch. Memorials. Ebenezers. The cold. Warm hands. Art. Christmas. Dr. Seuss' imagination. Hot chocolate. Bowling alleys. Good beer. Good friends. Songs that linger. Songs that make you move. Bluest eyes. Scruffy chins. The Bible. My church. The Bible Study Ladies. Knowing looks. Probing/caring questions. Being united in praise of the Only One Worthy. Best friends. Babies. Accountability. Puppies. A strong arm to lean on. Cheese fries at Denny's at 1 a.m. Disney. Disney songs. The future. The past. The present. Promises made. Promises kept. Promises still waiting to be fulfilled. Your lingering smell on my sweatshirt just from being near. Laughter. Foot rubs. Wise counsel. Patience. Renewal. Text messaging. Video chatting. Pregnant silence. Photos. Tears. Sanctifying trials. Words. Memories. Rest. Hope abiding. Faith gracefully enduring. Truth. Beauty. Love growing.

These are only a small fraction...